Ziwerengero zimati 42 peresenti ya amayi ndi omwe obereketsa okha kapena oyamba mabanja awo, ndipo pafupifupi 40 peresenti ya akazi kulanda amuna awo . Ndipo maphunziro (monga imodzi kuchokera ku Harvard Business School) zikuwonetsa kuti izi zimakhudza kwambiri maubwenzi. Koma mudapeza MBA / kukwezedwa / ofesi yamakona, dammit; ukwati wanu udzangoyenera kupeza malipiro anu. Psychiatrist komanso ogulitsa kwambiri wolemba Dr. Gail Saltz amagawana zopunthwitsa zofala kwa maanja omwe ali ndi maakaunti aku banki osagwirizana, ndi njira zokhalira limodzi.
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Makumi 20Kusintha udindo wa jenda ndikupha moyo wanu wogonana
Ziwerengero za amayi omwe ali ndi udindo wopezera ndalama, kapena omwe akungopeza zambiri kuposa akazi awo amatanthawuza kuti malingaliro a amuna ndi akazi samafotokozedwa kapena monyanyira monga momwe amakhalira kale, akutero Saltz. Ndicho chinthu chabwino. Koma pamene izi zimakonda kutenga ndalama ndi kuchipinda. Kumeneko n’kumene anthu amakhala ndi malingaliro okhudza zakugonana omwe angayambike [zachikhalidwe]—osati mmene amafunira zinthu. kwenikweni kukhala masana, koma izo zimasewera gawo lofunikira la moyo wawo wongoganiza zakugonana. Ndipo ngati momwe amawonerana wina ndi mnzake akutsutsana kwambiri ndi izi, zitha kusokoneza ubale komanso kudzutsidwa. Sikuti muyenera kusintha panopa maudindo, koma muyenera kuyika chipewa chanu kuzinthu zimenezo. Funso nlakuti, Kodi inuyo, m’chipinda chogona, mungatani kuchita zinthu zimene zimathandizana kusangalala ndi ntchito zanu ngakhale zitakhala zongopeka chabe kuposa zenizeni.
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Makumi 20Inu mukutidwa
Amuna ena amalingalira [kuti kupeza ndalama zochepa] kumawachepetsa, kapena kumawafoola, kapena kuti mwampikisano, ‘akutaya’ mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo, akutero Saltz, akumawonjezera kuti zimenezi sizichitika kwa anthu onse. Mwina iwo osatero kufuna kukumbatira ntchito yochitira zambiri kunyumba; sizimawapangitsa kumva bwino, zimawapangitsa kukhala oipitsitsa. Zimenezo zingakhale zovuta kwa iwo. Pakakhala mkangano kapena kusagwirizana pankhani imeneyi, yankho silingakhale lakuti, ‘O, lekani kudzimva kukhala odzimva kuti ndinu ofooka chifukwa cha ubwino.’ Payenera kukhala chiŵerengero cha kumvetsetsa ndi chifundo, monga momwe mungasonyezere ndi mtundu wina uliwonse wa vuto kapena vuto. Ganizirani momwe mungathandizire wina ndi mnzake kuti akhale omasuka pa maudindowa. Mwinamwake pali ntchito zimene angachite kuti adzimve kukhala ‘wachimuna.’ Kuchita ndi nyumba, kukonza galimoto, chirichonse chimene chingakhale.
Makumi 20Ndiwe wotsutsana-ndipo simuli mwini wake
Kwa amayi, [kulandira zambiri] kungakhalenso kovuta. Mkazi yemweyo akhoza kufuna kukhala wosamalira wamkulu komanso may kufuna ntchito yapamwamba ingakhalenso yotsutsana kuti udindo uli pa iye [kukhala wothandizira], akutero Saltz. Angamve ngati akukakamizika kukhala ndi nthawi yochepa yokhala wosamalira ana ake. Ndipo angakhale ndi malingaliro olakwika ponena za [mwamuna wake] kukhalapo kuti atsamire [ndandalama], kapena kusatetezedwa mwanjira imeneyo. Palibe mwa izi, akuchenjeza Saltz, ndi chosavuta. Ponena za ntchito yosaoneka, akuti: Akazi akhoza kukhala ndi zolemetsazo ndikuipidwa nazo, koma nawonso, pamlingo wina, kufuna izo. Iwo kufuna kuti akhale amene amatengera ana kwa dokotala wa ana, kuti akawaone kuti ayesedwe ndi kuwayeza, ndipo amamva kuti ataya mtima ngati safika. Kwa amayi ambiri, pali kusamvana komwe kumakhala kovuta kuti akwaniritse zomwe akufuna ndi kuipidwa. Zingathandize kuzindikira ndi kutenga umwini wa zinthu zingapo zofunika kwambiri (kuika ana anu madotolo, ndondomeko zawo zakunja) -kenako perekani zina zonse.
Makumi 20Wataya cholinga chake
Okwatirana nthaŵi zonse amaganiza kuti, ‘Chabwino, sindipikisana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga.’ Koma okwatirana motsimikizirika kuchita kupikisana, kaya akudziwa kapena ayi, akutero Saltz. Mkazi akakhala ndi ndalama zambiri ndipo/kapena ntchito ya mwamuna wake yaima, zimenezo zingabweretse kukayikirana ndi mafunso onga akuti, ‘Chabwino, kodi ine ndimakhala bwanji?’ Kusadzisungika kaŵirikaŵiri kumayambitsa mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo. Kwa anthu ambiri ndikofunika kukhala ndi cholinga kunja kwa banja. Si zachilendo kuti mwamuna azimva kuti alidi ayi kusowa izo. Koma cholinga sichimafanana ndi malipiro aakulu. Ikhoza kukhala bizinesi yomwe amathamangira kunyumba. Zingakhale kuti, ‘Ndine wofufuza kapena wolemba.’ Koma ‘ine ndine chinachake’ kaŵirikaŵiri n’chofunika. Ndipo kwa okwatirana onse kuchirikiza kukhoza kwake kuchita zimenezo—zimenezo zidzasintha. Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti, ‘Mnzangu ayenera kundisangalatsa, ndipo ngati sakundisangalatsa, ndiye kuti ndithetsa banja.’ Koma zoona zake n’zakuti munthu aliyense ayenera kuyesetsa kuti azichita zinthu mosangalala. okha wokondwa. Wokondedwa wanu sangakusangalatseni kwenikweni. Koma mnzanuyo akhoza kukuthandizani inu kukusangalatsani. Ngati mulibe zimenezo, mpaka kumlingo wina, ndipo mukuvutika maganizo kwenikweni, sizingakhale bwino kwa moyo wautali waubwenzi.
Makumi 20Ndiwe woyang'anira pakhomo
Kusamalira ana, nyumba, oyang'anira mabanja onse ndi maudindo, Pali amuna omwe anganene kuti, 'Osatero! Ndichita, chirichonse chimene chiri…’ anatero Saltz. Koma sizidzachitika mwanjira yomweyo inu akanachita. Anthu aŵiri osiyana, mwamuna ndi mkazi, angakhale ndi malingaliro osiyana kwambiri ponena za mmene zinthuzi zidzachitidwira. Akhoza kukhala bwino ngati ali ndi keke kadzutsa. ‘Sadzafa, zikhala bwino, ndipo zili bwino.’ Ndipo angamve zimenezo n’kunena kuti, ‘Eya, tsopano zandithera.’ Limbikitsani zimene mungathe kuzisiya. Chinthu chimodzi chomwe chimagawanitsa ukwati ndi ngati wina akunena kuti, 'Sizingakhale bwino chifukwa sizinali bwino. njira yanga .’ Chotero sali yekha ayi wopezera chakudya choyamba, koma akugwira ntchito ina iyi ya wosamalira wamkulu ndi mwini nyumba, koma akuuzidwa kuti amalephera nthawi zonse. Muyenera kuyamika chilichonse chomwe mumabweretsa patebulo ndikulumikizana nacho. M’mawu ena: Kusiya ulamuliro. Ndipo nenani zikomo.
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