Makanema omwe timawonera, mapulogalamu a pa TV omwe timadya kwambiri komanso mabuku omwe timawerenga nthawi zambiri amatsatira malingaliro omwewo pankhani ya chikondi: Ndi machesi a munthu mmodzi. Zedi, nthawi zina pamakhala makona atatu ochititsa chidwi, koma nthawi zambiri amathetsedwa ndi kusankha kwa suti imodzi. Koma m'moyo weniweni, anthu enieni nthawi zina amadzipeza ali mu katatu popanda Anna Karenina sewero. Izi zimatchedwa ubale wautatu. Osadandaula, tikufotokozerani, mothandizidwa ndi achibale komanso achibale R achel D. Mille r , ya Focht Family Practice ku Chicago.
Kodi ubale wautatu ndi chiyani kwenikweni?
Ngati ubale weniweni umatchedwa dyad (anthu awiri), ndiye kuti triad ndi ubale wa polyamorous wopangidwa ndi anthu atatu. Ganizirani izi ngati kagawo kakang'ono ka polyamory. Koma si mautatu onse omwe ali ofanana. Miller akutiuza kuti utatu ukhoza kukhala wosiyanasiyana: Mamembala onse atatu a utatu amatha kukhala paubwenzi wina ndi mnzake, kapena membala m'modzi akhoza kukhala wotsogolera mu ubale wa V. Ubale wa V (monga mawonekedwe) umatanthauza munthu m'modzi (pivot) ali paubwenzi ndi anthu awiri, ndipo anthu awiriwo, ngakhale amavomereza, sali paubwenzi.
Chabwino, ndiye chifukwa chiyani anthu apanga ubalewu?
Zili ngati kufunsa banja lililonse chifukwa chake ali limodzi-pali zifukwa zambirimbiri zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu akhale ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi: chikondi, chilakolako, kumasuka, bata, ndi zina zotero. , koma chimene amafanana ndicho kumasuka ku njira yachikale ya chikondi ndi kukhala pachibwenzi. Nazi zifukwa zochepa zomwe zidapangitsa ubale wautatu womwe adamva pazaka zambiri:
1. Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ankaona ngati ukwati wawo ukusefukira ndi chikondi, ndipo ankafuna kugawana zimenezi ndi munthu wina.
2. Polyamory ankamva ngati kutsata osati kusankha, kotero kuti dyadi silinali gawo la masomphenya awo a chiyanjano.
3. Munthu adakondana ndi anthu awiri osiyana ndipo ankafuna kusunga maubwenzi ndi onse awiri, ndipo aliyense wokhudzidwayo ankagwirizana za dongosololi.
4. Bwenzi la anthu okwatirana linakhala bwenzi loposa bwenzi la m'modzi kapena onse awiri, ndipo adagwirizana kuti awonjezere ubalewo kuti ukhale nawo onse.
5. Banja lina linkafuna kuwonjezera zokometsera pa moyo wawo wogonana ndipo, pochita izi, adapeza munthu wina yemwe amalumikizana naye pamlingo wochuluka.
Izi zikuwoneka zovuta. Kodi mphamvu za ubale wautatu ndi ziti?
Monga kusinthasintha kwa ubale uliwonse, ukhoza kusiyana kuchokera ku polygroup kupita ku polygroup. Koma malinga ndi kunena kwa Miller, zizindikiro zina zofala za utatu wathanzi zimaphatikizapo chikondi chenicheni ndi chisamaliro kwa onse okhudzidwa, njira zazikulu zothandizira (izi zingakhale zamaganizo, zandalama, ndi zina zotero) ndi chikhumbo chokhala otseguka ku mitundu yonse ya chikondi yomwe ilipo miyoyo yawo. Miller akufotokoza kuti mkati mwa mgwirizano uliwonse kapena mgwirizano wopanda mwamuna mmodzi, zinthu zomwe ziyenera kukhalapo ndi chilolezo chopitilira komanso mphamvu ndi kuthekera kokambirananso mawuwo kuti mamembala onse apeze zomwe akufunikira kuchokera ku chiyanjano.
Kodi ndi mavuto otani amene anthu amene amakumana nawo m’zibwenzi?
Chilichonse chotsutsana ndi njere chidzakumana ndi vuto. Per Miller, ena mwautatu ali ndi mabanja othandizira kwambiri omwe amawathandiza ndikuvomereza zosankha zawo ndi manja awiri. Ena samatuluka kwathunthu kwa achibale awo ndi anzawo chifukwa samatsimikiza kuti alandiridwa. Sosaite imakhazikitsidwa kuti ichirikize malingaliro amwambo okhudza ukwati-mwachitsanzo, anthu awiri okha omwe ali paubwenzi angatetezedwe ndi maukwati ovomerezeka, Miller akutiuza. Zotsatira za izi zitha kupangitsa kuti m'modzi mwa atatuwo adzimve kukhala wotetezeka kapena kuti ali ndi mphamvu zochepa muubwenzi. Kukonza? Monga ubale uliwonse: kulankhulana bwino ndi kukambirana momasuka.
Zogwirizana: The Common Open Relationship Malamulo ndi Momwe Mungakhazikitsire Anu
