Kugwa m'chikondi ndi njira yamatsenga, yachilengedwe. Ubongo wathu umasokonekera, kutulutsa mankhwala omwewo kutulutsidwa panthawi yamavuto . Chikondi chimatengera kutengeka mtima komwe munthu amamva akamamwa cocaine. Izi ndi zachilengedwe; ndizosakhazikika. Chiyambi cha kutengeka mtima chikatha, timakhala m'mayanjano okhazikika, achikondi kapena timasiya chikondicho kuti chizime ndi kupitiriza. Nthawi zina, kutentha pang'onopang'ono kumakhala kosokoneza, ndipo zimakhala zovuta kudziwa ngati timakondananso.
Malinga ndi Simone Collins, yemwe adalemba nawo buku logulitsidwa kwambiri Upangiri wa Pragmatist pa Ubale ndi mwamuna wake, kugwa mu chikondi kuli kwachibadwa monga kugwera mmenemo. Palibe vuto. Chikondi chimatha pang'onopang'ono pakapita nthawi kapena mwadzidzidzi pambuyo pa chochitika chokhumudwitsa. Othandizana nawo akhoza kusokoneza kutengeka mtima kwa chikondi , choncho amangoganiza kuti chibwenzicho chikangoyamba kuzizira. Zoona zake n’zakuti, anthu amasiya kukondana pazifukwa zingapo. Zitha kuchitika kangapo pakadutsa ubale wautali.
Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, Ed.S., yemwe ali ndi chilolezo waukwati ndi banja wothandizira , akunena kuti ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi akhala pachibwenzi kwa nthaŵi yaitali, m’pamenenso amakhala ndi mwayi wodutsa m’nyengo imodzi kapena ziwiri pamene amatsimikizira kuti chikondicho chatha. Zili ndi inu kapena ayi!
Ngati mukuganiza kuti mwina mukugwa mchikondi ndipo muyenera kudziwa momwe mungayendetsere njirayi, musadzivutitse - ndipo musathamangire kuganiza. Nazi zizindikiro zisanu ndi ziwiri zomwe mungakhale mukugwa m'chikondi, ndi momwe mungathanirane nazo.
Zogwirizana: FUNSO: Kodi Umboni Wakusudzulana Ndi Chiyani Banja Lanu?
Zithunzi za Westend61/Getty1. Kusunga chakukhosi mnzako
Kulola mkwiyo kuzizira popanda kulankhula za gwero lake ndi chizindikiro chachikulu kuti mwina kugwa m'chikondi. (Ilinso njira yabwino kwambiri yowonongera maubwenzi kuchokera mkati.) Kusungira chakukhosi kumatchedwanso kupsa mtima ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri kumayamba pamene mnzawoyo akuona kuti sakuyamikiridwa kapena kuti sakuchirikizidwa.
Kukwiyitsa kungayambike pang’onopang’ono, akutero Nicole Arzt, dokotala wovomerezeka waukwati ndi mabanja, yemwe amagwira ntchito m’bungwe la alangizi a zaumoyo. Wokonda Banja . Koma m'kupita kwa nthawi, zimatha kusintha kukwiyira chilichonse kuyambira mbale, kumveka kwa mawu awo, mpaka kumeta kwawo. Pakadali pano, simutha kuwona mawonekedwe a mnzanu.
Kukwiyitsidwa sikutanthauza kuti mwasiya chikondi, koma kungakukhazikitseni njira imeneyo ngati simuthana nazo.
Martin-dm/Getty Images2. Kusaganizira okondedwa wanu
Chikondi ndi maganizo amphamvu, monganso chidani. Mphwayi, komabe, ndiko kusakhalapo konse kwa kumverera. Ngati mumadziona kuti mulibe chidwi ndi zomwe mnzanu akuganiza, kumva, kunena kapena kuchita, ndiye kuti chikondi chatha. Arzt akuwonjezera kuti anthu omwe amangochita zochepa angakhale akugwa mchikondi.
Atha kukakamiza kuti azikhala ndi usiku, koma amakhala osakhazikika komanso otopa, akutero. Mutha kukhala ndi nthawi yocheza ndi mnzanu [wanu], koma zokambirana zanu zimakhala zopepuka komanso zowonekera.
Kusayanjanitsika kungawoneke ngati kuganiza mwachangu kuti musamufunse mafunso okondedwa anu. Ngati simusamala za ntchito yawo kapena simukufuna kumva za malingaliro awo pamutu, zitha kutanthauza kuti mukugwa mchikondi.
Zithunzi za Dave Nagel / Getty3. Kusafuna kucheza ndi okondedwa wanu
Tsopano, ngati mwakhala moyandikana ndi bwenzi lanu nthawi yonse ya mliri wa COVID-19, mutha kukhala ofunitsitsa kukhala kutali ndi iwo. Ndizo zachilendo. Ife. Pezani. Iwo. Koma, ngati mulibe chikhumbo chofuna kukhala m'chipinda chimodzi ndi iwo, zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro cha vuto lalikulu.
Arzt akuti anthu omwe angakonde kukhala ndi nthawi yawo yonse yaulere ndi anzawo - kapena kwenikweni aliyense kwina—kungakhale kukugwa m’chikondi. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuvomereza chodabwitsa ichi mkati mwanu ngati izi zikuchitikirani, akutero. Kuvomereza sikutanthauza kuti simunatheretu - kumatanthauza kuti mukuzindikira kuti mukukumana ndi chinachake.
Thomas Barwick / Getty Zithunzi4. Kuika patsogolo kulumikizana kwamalingaliro ndi ena
Kulumikizana moona mtima ndipo kulankhulana n'kofunika kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi kusunga ubale wachikondi. Mukayamba kutembenukira kwa abwenzi, ogwira nawo ntchito kapena achibale ndi zakukhosi kwanu musanauze mnzanu zakukhosi, zitha kukhala chizindikiro chakuti simukumukondanso munthuyo. (Kungakhalenso chizindikiro cha kusakhulupirirana, chomwe ndi nkhani yosiyana kotheratu.)
Kutsitsa zakukhosi kwa munthu yemwe si wa chibwenzi kumatha kukhala koyesa kwambiri, makamaka panthawi yovuta. Wina wake kuntchito yemwe ali wachifundo ndipo safuna zomwe akufuna akhoza kukhala wokondweretsa kwambiri, akutero Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D, (aka 'Dr. Romance') katswiri wamaganizo komanso wolemba mabuku. Upangiri wa Dr. Romance pakupeza chikondi lero .
Koma ndizosalungama kwa mnzanuyo chifukwa sizimawapatsa mwayi wokudziwani bwino. Kudziwonetsera nokha ndikofunikira kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino, wapamtima; kuuza munthu wina zakukhosi kumatanthauza kuti simukufuna kumasuka kwa mnzanu.
Zithunzi za NoSystem/Getty Images5. Kunyoza wokondedwa wanu kwa ena
Kudandaula mopepuka za zizolowezi zokwiyitsa za mnzanu kwa anzanu si chizindikiro chakuti ukwati wanu watha. Aliyense ayenera kumasuka nthawi ndi nthawi. Komabe, tikamalankhulana tating'onoting'ono tikhala kukambirana kwanthawi yayitali za kusakhutira kwanu ndi ubalewu, zimasintha kukhala gawo lamavuto. Nkhanizi ziyenera kufotokozedwa ndi okondedwa wanu mwachindunji.
Dr. Carissa Coulston, katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi katswiri wa ubale pa The Eternity Rose , akuvomereza. Ngati mupeza kuti inuyo ndi amene mukulankhula zoipa za mnzanu kapena achibale anu, muyenera kubwerera mmbuyo… Kunena zoipa zokhudza wokondedwa wanu pamene akutembenuzira msana kumasonyeza kulowera kumapeto kwa mzere.
Zithunzi za Fancy/Veer/Corbis/Getty6. Palibe kufuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi okondedwa wanu
Maubwenzi ogonana ali odzaza ndi nsonga ndi zigwa. Mankhwala, kuvulala ndi kupsinjika maganizo kungakhudze kwambiri libido yanu. Komabe, ngati mukupeza kuti simukukopeka konse ndi mnzanuyo pakugonana, mungakhale mukugwa m’chikondi. Mukhozanso kukhala mukudutsa mu dry spell.
Donna Novak, katswiri wazamisala yemwe ali ndi chilolezo, akuti adawona maanja amasuka kwambiri, amakhala monga okhala nawo limodzi kuposa zibwenzi. Ubwenzi ukhoza kuyambika kachiwiri, koma ngati mulibe kufuna kuyatsa moto , m'pofunika kuganizira za tsogolo la ubale.
Zithunzi za Klaus Vedfelt / Getty7. Palibe mapulani amtsogolo
Kulankhula zam'tsogolo, ngati mulibe chidwi choganiza za chinthu chosangalatsa kapena chosangalatsa kuchita ndi mnzanu sabata yamawa kapena chaka chamawa, chikondi chanu chikhoza kutha.
Chibwenzi chikayenda bwino komanso chikondi chikakhala cholimba, okwatirana amakonzekera limodzi ndi kukambirana za m’tsogolo, anatero Dr. Coulston. Chizindikiro choti zinthu zatha ndi pamene musiya kukambirana zomwe zingachitike tsiku lina ndikuyamba kukhala pano ndi pano.
Zithunzi za Hinterhaus / GettyZoyenera kuchita mukasiya chikondi?
Kuyankha Inde, ndine ameneyo! kwa aliyense wa zizindikiro pamwamba sizikutanthauza ubale wanu watha. Zimangotanthauza kuti mgwirizano ukufunika chisamaliro. Choyamba, dziwani ngati ili ndi vuto lalikulu.
Maubwenzi ali ndi zokwera ndi zotsika, akutero Jason Lee, Relationship Science and Data Analyst ndi Healthy Framework . Kukhala ndi tsiku limodzi kapena awiri oyipa nthawi ndi nthawi pomwe mwakhumudwa ndizachilengedwe. Komabe, pamene mayendedwe amodziwo ayamba, zitha kukhala chizindikiro cha vuto lalikulu.
1. Journal ndi kusunga
Lee akulangiza kulemba pafupipafupi ndikutsata malingaliro anu. Yang'ananinso zolemba ndi zolemba izi pakapita nthawi kuti muwone momwe mumakayikira za chikondi chanu. Fufuzani ndi anzanu apamtima kapena achibale kuti muwone ngati awona kusintha kwa khalidwe lanu kapena maganizo anu. Mwina simungazindikire kuti mumadandaula mobwerezabwereza bwanji za mnzanu kapena momwe chimwemwe chanu chatsika.
Langizo lotentha: Pamene mukuyamba ulendowu, musataye mtima mpaka mutauganizira moyenerera. Pitirizani nazo makhalidwe abwino mwakhala mukudalira nthawi zonse, akutero O'Neill. Musalangane wina ndi mnzake musanapeze mpata wokambirana ndikulingalira komanso kumvetsetsana.
2. Dziwani zomwe mukuganizira za tsogolo lanu
Kwa aliyense amene akunyalanyaza kupanga mapulani amtsogolo ndi bwenzi lake, ganizirani zomwe mukuganiza za tsogolo lanu. Ndiye, mukufuna chiyani mwa mnzanu wamoyo wonse?
Kufika pakuzindikira bwino kwamkati, kuwunika komanso kuvomereza zomwe mukufunadi kudzakhala kothandiza kwambiri kupita patsogolo, akutero Novak. Izi zidzakuthandizani kuti muyankhule zomwe mukufuna (kapena ayi) za tsogolo lanu ndi mnzanuyo movutikira komanso moona mtima.
3. Muzithana ndi chakukhosi nthawi yomweyo
Mukangoona kuti mkwiyo ukuyamba, kambiranani nawo kumene akuchokera. Ngati mupewe, mkwiyo umakhala ndi njira yofalira, kuchulukitsa ndi kupatsirana mbali zina zaubwenzi. Pewani kusunga mphambu kapena kutsatira kangati wokondedwa wanu walakwitsa.
Ngati mutayamba kufunafuna zinthu zoipa, maganizo anu adzazipeza. Malingaliro anu adzasokonezanso zinthu zomwe sizoyipa kuti zigwirizane ndi nkhani yomwe mukuyang'ana, akutero Lee. Choyipa kwambiri chomwe mungachite ndikukhala pamalingaliro kwa miyezi ndikulola ubongo wanu kupanga china chake chomwe kulibe.
4. Kambiranani ndi kuyikanso ndalama muzotsatira zomwe munagawana
Ganizilaninso cifukwa cake munakondana poyamba. Ndi mfundo ziti ndi zolinga zomwe mudagawana ndi wokondedwa wanu? Khalani omasuka ndi okondedwa wanu pamene mukukambirana ngati zikhalidwe ndi zolingazi zasintha.
Chinthu champhamvu kwambiri chimene mungachite kuti banja likhale lolimba ndi kupanga mgwirizano, gulu, kumene onse awiri amaona kuti amalemekezedwa, amasamalidwa komanso akufunikira, akutero Dr. Tessina. Chimene chimapangitsa chikondi kukhala chokhalitsa ndi maganizo akuti 'Ndikufuna kuti iwe ndi ine tipeze zomwe tikufuna muubwenzi umenewu.'
Ndi zachilendo kuti pamene anthu amasintha, momwemonso zikhalidwe ndi zolinga zawo zimasintha. Zikapezeka kuti moto woyamba (kutengeka mtima) ndi chinthu chokhacho chomwe chimakugwirizanitsani, ndi bwino kuunikanso ngati ubalewo ukutumikira onse awiri.
Onetsetsani kuti mukuyesera kumvetsera mwachidwi panthawi iliyonse ya zokambirana. Pewani zododometsa ndipo khalani ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwa zomwe wokondedwa wanu akukumana nazo.
5. Funsani thandizo lakunja
Palibe manyazi kupempha thandizo. Izi zikhoza kutanthauza kulangizidwa ndi banja lina lomwe lakhala likuimba ndipo linapulumuka. Atha kutanthauza kupita ku uphungu wa maanja.
Dzizungulireni ndi abwenzi ndi abale omwe amasamala za inu kuti akuthandizeni pamene mukufufuza izi. Ndikofunikanso kudzikonda komanso kudzisamalira panthawiyi, akutero Novak.
Chilichonse chomwe chili, ndi lingaliro labwino ngati mukugwa mchikondi kapena ayi. Chifukwa chiyani tidikirira mpaka zinthu zitavuta? Kuika muubwenzi wachikondi zinthu zisanafike poipa ndi chisonyezero chokongola cha chikondi.
Pomaliza, dziwani kuti simuli nokha. Kugwa mu chikondi sikusangalatsa, koma kachiwiri, ndi chilengedwe. Momwe mungayendere ndizomwe zimakuvutitsani.
Zogwirizana: Mawu Awiri Amene Wothandizira Mabanja Amanena Apulumutsa Ukwati Wanu (ndi 2 Kuyika M'chipinda Chosungiramo)
