Takulandirani ku ‘Pakati pa Mapepala,’ mndandanda watsopano umene timayankha mafunso okhudza kugonana, maubwenzi ndi kupeza chisangalalo mkati ndi kunja kwa chikondi. Muli ndi funso loyaka? Tumizani kwa editor@purewow.com .
Ndinayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi mwamuna wanga chifukwa cha makhalidwe abwino amene amandipatsa. Iye ndi bambo wabwino, amandithandiza pa ntchito yanga ndipo ndi mnzanga wapamtima. Koma sindimamva ngati alinso m’chikondi ndi ine. Timagonana kamodzi pamwezi, nthawi zambiri samakondana ndipo sakonzekera mausiku kapena mphindi zapadera. Kodi ndimalankhula bwanji zimene ndikusowa, popanda kunyalanyaza zoyesayesa zonse zimene amaika m’banja lathu?
Okwatirana omwe ali ndi zilankhulo zosiyana zachikondi nthawi zambiri amatha kuwoneka ngati zombo ziwiri zomwe zikudutsa usiku; zizindikiro zonse zachikondi ndipamenepo, sizikuwoneka kwa munthu wina. Andi aMukakhwima muubwenzi wanu, padzakhala nthawi zomwe mumamva ngati okondedwa kuposa okondedwa.Ndiye mungathane bwanji? Pokumbukira mfundo zitatu izi:
Chikondi chimasanduka—phunzirani kuchiyamikira
Zaka zingapo (kapena kupitilira apo) muubwenzi,ndichikondi chamkunthomosalepherandispansi, ndimoyo ndi wochepamaluwa ndi maudindo atsopano ogonanandi zinamphuno ndi masewera a mpira. Mumachita khama msanga, koma mukamawonjezera zofunikira pazakudya zanu, nthawi zina simukhala bwino kwambiri ndi mnzanuyo. Nthawi zina ndiwe wotukwana-ndi-mawu-wa-mawu-wawekha, ndipo zowopsa, zili bwino nanunso.
Mphatso yabwino kwambiri ya chikondi chokhwima ndikudzilola nokha kumasukaudindo uwu, pozindikira zovuta zake koma kukondwerera kupambana. Chifukwa chake mwina mulibe zovala zamkati (zabwino zilizonse), koma tsopano mufikachita mantha pamaso pa mwamuna wako,popanda kudandaula kuti adzasiyana nanu. Kapena mutha kuvomereza kuti mumadana nazo Nkhondo za Star ndipo amapita kukawonera kanema waposachedwa kwambiri ndi abwenzi ake. Mfundo yofunika: Muyenera kukhala nokha, ndipo ndicho chinthu chofunika kwambiri.
Simungayembekezere kusintha kwakukulu mwa mnzanu
Chizoloŵezi chikayamba, ndipo mwakhala ndi munthu kwa zaka zambiri, inukufika kuonani amene iwo ali kwenikweni. (Ndi chifukwa chakeakatswiri ambiri amavomereza kuti inusayenera kukwatiramunthumkati mwa zaka ziwiri zoyambiriraza kuwadziwa iwo.)Ndipo mnyamatayoamene muli naye tsopano ndiye munthu amene mwamuna wanu anali, zambiri basizowonamtundu wake (m'malo mwa mtundu womwe amayesa kukusangalatsani ndi kuthawa kwa sabata modzidzimutsa).Ngati asonyeza chikondi mwa ntchito zautumiki—kuchita zinthu zochepetsera katundu wanu, pokhala atate wabwino—ndiye musamayembekezere kuti akulankhula mwamawu. Ngati asonyeza chikondi kudzeramakiyi otsikanthawi yabwino ndi inu, ndiye iye sangakhale woyimirandikudabwitsani inuchakudya kapena kugulachodabwitsatsiku lobadwa mphatso. Palibe munthu akhoza kukhala zinthu zonse.
Mukunena kuti mwamuna wanu ndi wamkulu, wothandizira moyo wanu, bambo wabwino komanso bwenzi lapamtima.Koma ngatisimukumva chikondi (kapena mwina chilakolako?), Lingaliro langa ndikuti mukufunikira wosintha. Nthaŵi yotsatira mwamuna wanu akachita chinachake chokoma mtima (akunyamula ana kotero kuti simukusowa, amakulimbikitsani kupempha kuti akulemereni), yesani kuwona ngati mchitidwe wachikondi m'malo mongosonyeza kukoma mtima.
Koma mungapemphe mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti ayesetse kusonyeza chikondi
Ngakhale simungayembekezere kuti mwamuna wanu asinthe kwathunthu, inuakhozandikuyembekeza kuti adzakumana nanu pakati.Iwozimamveka ngati ndinu munthu wanthawi yabwino komanso wokhudza thupi, kotero ndikuganiza kuti sitepe yanu yoyamba ndikupempha zambiri, pankhaniyi.Mukufuna kugwirana chanza mukatuluka? Kodi mukufuna kukhudza patmkulu mukakhala kunyumba pa kama? Kodi mukufuna kugonana kochulukirapo sabata iliyonse? Bwerani ndi akhalani naye pansi ndi kukambirana zimenezo. Funsaninso momwe chikondi chimawonekera kwa iye. Anthu akamakondedwa, amakhala olimbikitsidwa kwambirikuperekakumbuyo.
Pambuyo pake, ndi ntchito yanu kukwaniritsa zomwe mwapempha. Yambitsani kugonananthawi zambiri, fikirani dzanja lake mukakhala kunjandi kukonzekera madeti a inu nonse awiri.Inde, mukufuna kuti mwamuna wanu achitenso zinthu zimenezi, koma popereka chitsanzo cha mmene chinenero chanu chachikondi chimaonekera, mumam’patsa mpata womenyana. Ndipo china chake chimandiuza kuti ali ndi vuto.
Jenna Birch ndi mphunzitsi wachibwenzi , mtolankhani komanso wolemba wa Kusiyana kwa Chikondi: Dongosolo Lachikulu Lopambana Mu Moyo & Chikondi .
Zogwirizana: Ndakhala Ndili Pandekha Ndi Mwamuna Wa Mnzanga Wapamtima. Kodi Izi Zalakwika?
