Lingaliro la chikondi poyang'ana koyamba silili lachilendo (kuyang'anani inu, Romeo ndi Juliet). Koma kuyambira masiku a Shakespeare, akatswiri a zaubongo apeza zambiri za zomwe chikondi chimachita ku ubongo wathu pamlingo wachilengedwe. Tsopano tikudziwa kuti mahomoni ndi mankhwala amakhudza kupanga zisankho komanso kutanthauzira zochitika. Tagawa chikondi mozizira mu magawo enaake, mitundu ndi masitayelo olankhulirana. Komabe, pali chinthu china chomwe sichingafanane ndi chikondi poyang'ana koyamba, mwina chifukwa chake 56 peresenti ya aku America khulupirirani izo. Ndiye ndi maganizo amenewo—ndipo kodi chikondi pongochionana koyamba ndi chenicheni?
Gabrielle Usatynski, MA, mlangizi wovomerezeka komanso wolemba buku lomwe likubwera, The Power Couple Formula , limati, Funso lakuti ngati chikondi poonana koyamba ndi munthu kapena ayi, chimadalira pa zimene tikutanthauza ndi mawu akuti ‘zenizeni.’ Ngati funso n’lakuti, ‘Kodi tingayambe kukondana poyamba?’ Yankho ndi lakuti inde. Ngati funso liri lakuti, ‘Kodi chikondi pa malo oyamba ndi chikondi?’ Chabwino, zimenezo zimadalira mmene mumatanthauzira liwu lakuti ‘chikondi.
Tanthauzo la aliyense litha kukhala losiyana, chifukwa chake lingalirani kuti mukamawerenga zonse za kudabwitsa komwe kuli chikondi poyang'ana koyamba.
Chilakolako, chisinthiko ndi maonekedwe oyambirira
Sayansi ndi kulingalira zimatiuza kuti chikondi poyang'ana koyamba ndi chenicheni chilakolako poyang'ana koyamba . Palibe njira yomwe chikondi - chikondi chapamtima, chopanda malire, chodzipereka - chingachitike pakati pa anthu awiri omwe sanakumanepo kapena kulankhulana. Pepani, Romeo.
Komabe! Mawonekedwe oyamba ndi amphamvu kwambiri komanso zochitika zenizeni. Ubongo wathu umatenga pakati pa gawo limodzi mwa magawo khumi a sekondi ndi theka la miniti kukhazikitsa chiwongolero choyamba. Alexander Todorov wa ku yunivesite ya Princeton akuuza BBC kuti mkati mwa nthawi yochepa kwambiri, timasankha ngati wina ali wokongola, wodalirika komanso wotsogola. Ned Presnall, LCSW komanso odziwika padziko lonse lapansi katswiri wa zamaganizo , amaika nthawiyi ngati gawo la mkangano wopewa-kupewa.
Monga anthu, tasintha kuti tiyankhe mwachangu pamene chinthu chokhala ndi moyo wapamwamba chikudutsa njira yathu. Okwatirana okhumbitsidwa kwambiri [ndiwofunika] kuti tipatsire bwino chibadwa chathu, akutero Presnall. Mukawona munthu amene amakupangitsani kukhala ndi 'chikondi poyang'ana koyamba,' ubongo wanu umazindikira kuti ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri poteteza kubadwa ndi kupulumuka kwa ana.
Kwenikweni, timawona wokwatirana naye yemwe amawoneka ngati woyenerera kubereka, timawakhumbira, timaganiza kuti ndi chikondi poyang'ana poyamba, kotero timawayandikira. Vuto lokhalo? Pulofesa Todorov akuti anthu amakonda tsatirani zomwe mukuwona poyamba ngakhale patapita nthawi kapena tiphunzira zatsopano, zotsutsana. Izi zimadziwika kuti halo effect.
Kodi 'halo effect' ndi chiyani?
Anthu akamakambirana za chikondi pongoonana koyamba, ambiri amafotokoza zomwe zimalumikizana nthawi yomweyo, akutero Marisa T. Cohen , PhD. Chifukwa cha mawonekedwe a halo, titha kunena zinthu za anthu potengera momwe adawonera poyamba. Chifukwa chakuti wina amaoneka wokongola kwa ife, zimakhudza mmene timaonera makhalidwe ake ena. Iwo ndi owoneka bwino, choncho ayeneranso kukhala oseketsa ndi anzeru ndi olemera ndi ozizira.
Ubongo mu chikondi
Dr. Helen Fisher ndi gulu lake la asayansi pa yunivesite ya Rutgers amaimba mlandu ubongo chifukwa cha zotsatira za halo-ndi zina. Iwo amati magulu atatu a chikondi ndi chilakolako, kukopeka ndi ubwenzi . Chilakolako nthawi zambiri chimakhala gawo loyamba komanso lomwe limalumikizidwa kwambiri ndi chikondi pakuwonana koyamba. Tikamakhumbira munthu, ubongo wathu umauza machitidwe athu oberekera kuti apange testosterone ndi estrogen yowonjezera. Apanso, mwachisinthiko, matupi athu amaganiza kuti ndi nthawi yobereka. Timayang'ana kwambiri kuyandikira ndi kuteteza mnzanuyo.
Kukopa ndi lotsatira. Kulimbikitsidwa ndi dopamine, mahomoni a mphotho omwe amalumikizidwa mwachindunji ndi chizolowezi, ndi norepinephrine, hormone yankhondo kapena yowuluka, kukopa kumadziwika ndi gawo laukwati. Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, chikondi panthawiyi chikhoza kuchepetsa milingo yathu ya serotonin, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti tisakhale ndi chilakolako chofuna kudya komanso kusinthasintha kwakukulu.
Dongosolo lanu la limbic (gawo la 'chofuna' la ubongo wanu) limakankhira mkati, ndipo prefrontal cortex (gawo lopanga zisankho la ubongo wanu) limakhala kumbuyo, Presnall akunena za magawo oyambirirawa.
Mahomoni awa omva bwino, kusiya chilichonse kuti akhale nawo amatitsimikizira kuti tikukumana ndi chikondi chenicheni. Mwaukadaulo, ndife! Mahomoni ndi mmene amamvera ndi zenizeni. Koma chikondi chokhalitsa sichichitika mpaka gawo la chiyanjano. Titadziwana bwino ndi mnzathu kwa nthawi yayitali, timapeza ngati chilakolako chakula mpaka kufika pamtima.
Panthawi yolumikizana, ubongo wathu umatulutsa oxytocin yochulukirapo, timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi timene timabala komanso kuyamwitsa. (Imatchedwa hormone ya cuddle, yomwe ndi yokongola AF.)
Maphunziro okhudza chikondi poyang'ana koyamba
Sipanakhalepo maphunziro ambiri omwe adachitika pazochitika zachikondi poyang'ana koyamba. Zomwe zilipo zimayang'ana kwambiri maubwenzi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso maudindo omwe anthu amawakonda kwambiri. Choncho, tengani zotsatirazi ndi njere yamchere.
Kafukufuku yemwe amatchulidwa kawirikawiri amachokera ku yunivesite ya Groningen ku Netherlands. Wofufuza Florian Zsok ndi gulu lake adapeza chikondi poyamba sizichitika kawirikawiri . Pamene izo zinachitika mu phunziro lawo, izo zinazikidwa kwambiri pa kukopa thupi. Izi zimathandizira malingaliro akuti tikukumana nawo chilakolako poyang'ana koyamba.
Ngakhale opitilira theka la omwe adachita nawo kafukufuku wa Zsok adadziwika kuti ndi akazi, omwe adadziwika ndi amuna amatha kunena kuti adayamba kukondana. Ngakhale pamenepo, Zsok ndi gulu lake adalemba zochitika izi ngati zakunja.
Mwinamwake nkhani yosangalatsa kwambiri yotuluka mu phunziro la Zsok palibe zochitika za chikondi chofanana poyamba. Palibe. Zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zitheke kuti chikondi poyang'ana koyamba ndizochitika zaumwini, zaumwini.
Tsopano, izo sizikutanthauza kuti izo sizingakhoze kuchitikabe.
Zizindikiro zikhoza kukhala chikondi poyamba
Maanja omwe amaumirira kuti ayambe kukondana pongoonana koyamba atha kuyikanso chizindikirocho pamsonkhano wawo woyamba. Atatha kusuntha zilakolako ndi kukopa ndikukhala pachibwenzi, akhoza kuyang'ana mmbuyo mwachidwi pa nthawi ya ubale wawo ndikuganiza, Tidadziwa nthawi yomweyo kuti ndi izi! Ngati mukufuna kudziwa ngati mukukumana ndi chikondi poyamba, ganizirani zizindikiro zotsatirazi.
1. Mumatanganidwa ndi kudziwa zambiri
Chinthu chimodzi chokongola chochokera ku phunziro la Zsok ndikuti kukumana ndi chikondi poyang'ana koyamba kungakhale chikhumbo chofuna kudziwa zambiri za mlendo wabwino kwambiri. Ndiko kumva kukhala wotseguka ku mwayi wopanda malire ndi munthu wina - zomwe ndi zabwino kwambiri. Sangalalani ndi chibadwa chimenecho koma samalani ndi zotsatira za halo.
2. Kuyang'ana maso nthawi zonse
Popeza kuti kukondana kofanana poyamba kumangochitika mosoweka kuposa kumadziona nokha, tcherani khutu ngati mukupitiriza kuyang'anizana ndi munthu yemweyo madzulo. Kuyang'ana maso ndi mphamvu yodabwitsa. Kafukufuku akuwonetsa ubongo wathu kwenikweni kukwera pang'ono poyang'ana maso chifukwa tikuzindikira kuti kumbuyo kwa masowo kuli munthu wozindikira, woganiza. Ngati simungathe kusunga maso anu ku ubongo wa wina ndi mzake, ndi bwino kuyang'ana.
3. Chilakolako chimatsagana ndi kumva chitonthozo
Ngati timakonda zomwe timawona, titha kukhala ndi chitonthozo, chidwi komanso chiyembekezo, akutero Donna Novak, katswiri wodziwa zamaganizo. Simi Psychological Group . Ndizotheka kukhulupirira kuti malingaliro awa ndi chikondi, popeza wina amangodabwa ndi zomwe akuwona. Khulupirirani matumbo anu ngati akutumiza zizindikiro za chilakolako ndi chiyembekezo.
Zizindikiro sizingakhale chikondi poyang'ana koyamba
Pali zambiri zomwe zikuchitika muubongo wanu kale pa tsiku labwinobwino, choncho dzipatseni nthawi yopuma mukakumana ndi mnzanu yemwe mungakumane naye. Mitsempha yanu yamanjenje ndi endocrine ikupita movutikira, ndipo muyenera kupsa mtima nthawi ndi nthawi. Mwina si chikondi poyang'ana koyamba ngati ...
1. Zatha mwamsanga pamene zinayamba
Ngati palibe chikhumbo chofuna kudziwa zambiri ndipo kukopeka kwanu koyamba kwa munthu amene mukumufunsayo kumazimiririka munthu watsopano akangolowa, mwina si chikondi poyang'ana koyamba.
2. Mukukonzekera posachedwa
Dr. Britney Blair, yemwe ndi wovomerezeka pazamankhwala ogonana komanso ndi Chief Science Officer wa pulogalamu yokhudzana ndi kugonana. Wokondedwa , imachenjeza kuti tisalole kuti nkhani zaumwini zitenge malo mu dipatimenti ya chemistry.
Ngati tiphatikiza nkhani ina ku kuphulika kwa neurochemical kumeneku ('ndiye yekhayo wa ine…') titha kulimbitsa mphamvu ya kachitidwe kachilengedwe ka neurochemical kameneka, kaya bwino kapena moyipa. Kwenikweni, musalembe RomCom musanakumane ndi chidwi chachikondi.
3. Thupi lanu silikugwirizana ndi inu
Mutha kukumana ndi zowoneka bwino kwambiri zomwe mudakumanapo nazo, koma ngati matumbo anu akulimba kapena mosazindikira mukupeza kuti mukuwoloka manja ndikudziyika kutali ndi iwo, mverani zizindikirozo. Chinachake chazimitsidwa. Simufunikanso kudikirira kuti mudziwe chomwe chiri ngati simukufuna. Dr. Laura Louis, katswiri wa zamaganizo yemwe ali ndi chilolezo komanso mwiniwake wa Atlanta Couple Therapy , amalangiza kuyang'ana zizindikiro izi mwa munthu wina, nayenso. Kumasuka kwa kulankhula ndi thupi ndi zinthu zonse zomwe zimawonekera koyamba, akutero. Ngati mutakumana koyamba ndi munthu yemwe sakuwoneka kuti ali ndi chidwi cholankhula nanu (ie mikono yodutsana, kuyang'ana kumbali, ndi zina zotero) zingakhale zovuta kwambiri.
Mukakayikira, perekani nthawi. Chikondi poyang'ana koyamba ndi lingaliro losangalatsa, lachikondi, koma ndithudi si njira yokhayo yokumana ndi mnzanu wamaloto anu. Ingofunsa Juliet.
ZOTHANDIZA: Zizindikiro za 7 Zomwe Mungakhale Mukugwa Mchikondi (ndi Momwe Mungayendetsere Njirayi)
