Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndikufunsa mozama chifukwa chomwe ali ndi inu kapena kuti zidzatha liti, mwayi uli ndi nkhawa za ubale zomwe zikuchitika. Ngakhale zimawonekera mosiyana ndi munthu ndi munthu, kuda nkhawa paubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumadziwika ndi kuda nkhawa kwambiri za chibwenzi. Awa si agulugufe, anthu. Ndizosiyana. Ndiye, mwina utitiri? Mfundo yofunika: Zimasokoneza ndipo zimatha kuwononga chikondi chanu mkati. Tiyeni tilowe mu izo (kuti tithe kuzigonjetsa). Apa, tikuchotsa nkhawa, komwe imachokera komanso njira zisanu ndi zitatu zomwe mungagonjetsere nkhawa paubwenzi.
Mitundu ya Nkhawa
Kupsinjika maganizo sichachilendo kwa ambiri aife. Timada nkhawa apa ndi apo ndi zochitika zomwe zikubwera, masiku omaliza a ntchito komanso zochitika zazikulu pamoyo. Komabe, malinga ndi kunena kwa bungwe la American Psychiatric Association, matenda ovutika maganizo ndi matenda odziŵika bwino amene munthu amakhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri. Generalized nkhawa matenda zitha kupezeka munthu wina atakumana ndi miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yotsatizana ya nkhawa yayikulu pazochitika za tsiku ndi tsiku. Kusokonezeka kwa chikhalidwe cha anthu (zomwe zimakhudza anthu pafupifupi 15 miliyoni ku United States kokha, malinga ndi a Anxiety and Depression Association of America ) ndi mantha ochulukitsitsa achiweruzo kuchokera kwa ena pazochitika zamagulu.
Zofanana ndi matenda a chikhalidwe cha anthu , nkhawa yaubwenzi chimakhudza zochitika kapena zochitika zinazake, zomwe ndi zachikondi. Ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti simuyenera kudwala matenda ovutika maganizo kuchokera kwa dokotala kuti mukhale ndi nkhawa. Kutanthauza kuti ngakhale kuda nkhawa pang'ono pa zachikondi kumakhalabe ngati kuda nkhawa paubwenzi-ndipo aliyense atha kuziwona, osati ife okha omwe tili ndi matenda omwe alipo.
Kodi nkhawa za ubale zimawoneka bwanji?
Nkhawa za ubale, monga mitundu yonse ya nkhawa ndi zipewa zazikulu kwambiri, zimawoneka mosiyana kwa aliyense. Kusokonezeka maganizo kwapang'onopang'ono kungayambitse kusakhazikika, kusaganiza bwino, kutopa, kusowa tulo, minyewa yolimba, kukwiya komanso kukhumudwa. Nkhawa za ubale zingasonyeze mofananamo; kusiyana kokha ndi mawonetseredwe amenewo amatuluka kudzera mu disolo la mgwirizano. Zindikirani: Zambiri mwazizindikirozi zimakhala zosavuta kulowa mkati. Wina amene ali ndi vuto laubwenzi angalimbikire kwambiri kubisa.
M'malo mwake, Kathleen Smith, PhD, mlangizi wovomerezeka waukadaulo, adalembapo Psychcom kuti kunamizira kuti zonse zili bwino chifukwa mukuwopa kukambirana mozama ndi bwenzi lanu ndi chizindikiro chachikulu cha nkhawa. Momwemonso, ngati mukuda nkhawa kwambiri ngati mnzanu sali pafupi ndi inu kapena m'maso, mutha kukhala ndi nkhawa paubwenzi. Izi zitha kutanthauza kuti mumaganizira njira zonse zomwe amakuberani akakhala kwina kapena simungakhale kutali ndi iwo. Tsopano, ngati pali umboni kuti akhala osakhulupirika, imeneyo ndi nkhani yosiyana. Koma, kudzipangira nokha kukhulupirira kuti wina akubera popanda umboni wopitilira momwe mukuganizira ndi chizindikiro chachikulu cha nkhawa yaubwenzi.
Mawonetseredwe ena ndikuwatsimikizira kuti mnzanuyo adzakusiyani nthawi iliyonse. Maganizo olakwikawa nthawi zambiri amagwirizana ndi kulephera kubweretsa mantha anu. Ngati ndibweretsa nkhawa yanga chifukwa chosiyidwa, zimasokoneza mnzanga ndipo adzandisiya ndithu.
Kumbali inayi, munthu amene amadalira wokondedwa wake kukhala gulu lomveka pa izi-ndi zina zilizonse-nkhawa atha kukhalanso ndi nkhawa paubwenzi. Ngati mnzanuyo ndi munthu yekhayo padziko lonse lapansi amene angathe kukukhazika mtima pansi kapena kukukhumudwitsani panthawi yomwe muli ndi nkhawa kwambiri, nkhawa ya ubale imazungulira kwinakwake (ndipo ikhoza kuwonjezereka pakapita nthawi).
Pomaliza, ngati mumapewa kuchita zibwenzi kapena kuchita zibwenzi kwathunthu, mutha kukhala ndi nkhawa zambiri zokhudzana ndi maubwenzi. Osati nkhani zowononga dziko lapansi, koma zoyenera kuzitchula chifukwa nkhawa yomwe inalipo kale yokhudza maubwenzi imatha kulowa m'chikondi chatsopano.
Kodi 'chimayambitsa' nkhawa yaubwenzi ndi chiyani?
Apanso, aliyense ndi wosiyana, ndipo banja lililonse lili ndi zovuta zake. Nkhawa za ubale zimatha kukulirakulira kwa onse awiri pakapita nthawi, m'modzi akhoza kubwera movutikira kuyambira pachiyambi, munthu wina amachitapo kanthu kuyambitsa nkhawa; mwayi ndi wopanda malire. Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, kufotokoza chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuti mudutse mumphukira kapena kuwupukuta mpaka kukula kwake.
1. Matenda a m'mbuyomu
Matenda ena omwe amapezeka ngati matenda a chikhalidwe cha anthu amatha kuyambitsa kapena kudyetsa ubale. Chifukwa nkhawa za anthu zimayamba chifukwa choopa kuweruzidwa ndi ena kapena kuda nkhawa nthawi zonse zomwe anthu amakuganizirani, sizovuta kuwona momwe malingaliro amenewo angayambitsire nkhawa.
2. Kuphwanya kukhulupirirana
Ngati mnzanuyo wakhala wosakhulupirika kwa inu m’mbuyomu (ndipo muli ndi umboni kapena wachitapo kanthu), izi zingayambitse kusakhulupirirana ndi nkhawa za ubale womwe ukupita patsogolo. Mwinanso mungadzifunse ngati asintha, podziwa kuti anali osakhulupirika kwa anzanu akale.
3. Khalidwe lachipongwe kapena chinenero
Nkhanza zamtundu uliwonse—zakuthupi, mwamawu, zamaganizo—zingayambitse nkhaŵa mwachindunji. Kuzunzidwa mwakuthupi sikuli bwino. Chonde imbani foni Nambala Yambiri Yokhudza Nkhanza Zapakhomo ngati mnzanu akukuvulazani mwakuthupi. Nkhanza zapakamwa ndi zamalingaliro zimafooketsa anthu kapena kuyambitsa mantha kudzera m'mawu. Ngati mnzanuyo amakonda kuchita nthabwala zolakwa zanu kapena amadzinamiza nthawi zambiri kuposa momwe amachitira mokoma mtima, mutha kukhala ndi nkhawa chifukwa cha nkhanza zotere.
4. Ndewu zopanda phindu
Aka ndewu zomwe zimatha kupepesa zopanda pake. Kulimbana kopindulitsa kumathera pophunzira zinazake za inuyo kapena mnzanu ndikukula limodzi ngati banja.
5. Kudera nkhawa za m'tsogolo
Kodi inu nonse mudzakwatirana? Kodi iwo amafuna zinthu zomwezo m'moyo? Kodi ndi nthawi iti yabwino kufunsa mafunso amenewa?
6. Kukhala ndi nkhawa
Mosiyana ndi anthu omwe amawonetsa kulumikizana kotetezeka, omwe ali ndi kuda nkhawa nthawi zonse amakhala osatsimikiza za kudzipereka kwa mnzawo. Izi zimatsogolera ku zizolowezi zowononga zomwe zimatha kukankhira mnzake kutali.
7. Nthano ya bwenzi langwiro
Kudzifunsa nthawi zonse ngati pali wina wabwino kwa inu kuposa munthu amene mwamupeza ndizowononga kwambiri. News Flash: Kufanana kwanu koyenera kulibe. Esther Perel , katswiri wa zaubwenzi (ndi chizindikiro cha chikhalidwe), amabwereza motsimikiza mfundo imeneyi kwa makasitomala ake. Izi zikutanthauza kuti inu kapena mnzanuyo simungayembekezere kuthana ndi vuto lililonse moyenera kapena mwanzeru. Zikutanthauzanso pamene mwapeza chinthu chachikulu, musadandaule ndi udzu wobiriwira pabwalo lina.
Ndiye, kodi ndi nkhawa kapena kupsinjika kwakale?
Izi ndi izi: Aliyense, pa ena mfundo, mwina zokumana nazo ena nkhawa za ubale. Ngati sitinatero, tikhoza kukhala ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu. Tikamakonda munthu, timayembekezera kuti nayenso amatikonda! Tikakwatiwa ndi munthu, timalimbikira ndipo nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta. Kupitilira apo, kuda nkhawa kwambiri pankhani zokhudzana ndi ubale ndizomwe zimafunikira kukonzanso kwakukulu.
Mwamwayi, kusalidwa kozungulira thanzi laubongo kwatsutsidwa m'zaka zaposachedwa ndipo anthu amakhala omasuka kukambirana zamavuto ndikuphunzira momwe angawathetsere, sitepe imodzi ndi imodzi.
Njira 8 Zothetsera Nkhawa Paubwenzi Wanu
1. Dzifunseni nokha, Kodi ubalewu ndi wofunika?
Katswiri wa zamaganizo Wendy M. Yoder, PhD , amalimbikitsa anthu kuti ayambe kuchepetsa nkhawa za ubale mwa kudzikweza okha moona mtima. Kodi ubalewu ndi wofunika? Ili si funso losavuta kapena losavuta kulitenga. Koma pamapeto pake, kodi munthu ameneyu ndi woyenera kwa inu? Kumbukirani, monga Esther Perel akutiuza, palibe mnzake wangwiro. Anthu ndi opanda ungwiro ndipo zili bwino! Funso siliri, Kodi iwo ali angwiro? Funso nlakuti, Kodi ndife abwino kwa wina ndi mnzake?
Malangizo a Pro: Ngati simukudziwa yankho la funsoli (kukayikakayika ndi chinthu chachikulu munkhani ya nkhawa), yambani ndi masitepe ang'onoang'ono. Yesani njira zina zomwe zili pansipa. Pamene mukupita patsogolo, kaya uyu ndi munthu wanu zidzamveka bwino.
2. Yang'anani nayo mutu
Simungathe kuthetsa mwambi popanda kuyang'ana zowunikira; simungathe kukonza nkhawa za ubale popanda kuzitcha zomwe zili ndikulankhula ndi okondedwa anu za izo. Maubwenzi okondana sizinthu zokhazokha (ngakhale tikufuna kuti aliyense adzikonde mopanda malire!). Zimatengera awiri ku tango, ndipo mnzanuyo ayenera kuphatikizidwa pakuchita izi. Chinthu chimodzi choti mupewe? Kulankhula za izi kudzera muukadaulo. Ziyenera kukhala maso ndi maso. Dr. Alexandra Solomon , katswiri wazamisala yemwe ali ndi chilolezo komanso wolemba bukuli Kukonda Molimba Mtima: Maphunziro 20 a Kudzipezera Wekha Kuti Akuthandizeni Kupeza Chikondi Chomwe Mukuchifuna , amaumirira kuti zokambirana zolimba zizichitika pamasom'pamaso. Kulemberana mameseji kulibe mawu ochenjera, osagwiritsa ntchito mawu, komanso mwanzeru, malinga ndi kunena kwa Solomo. Kukhala m’chipinda chimodzi ndi munthu wina pamene mukukambitsirana mwamphamvu n’kofunika kwambiri kuti muthe kukambirana zinthu zatanthauzo.
Malangizo ovomereza: Ngati simukutsimikiza kuti ubalewu ndi woyenera kumenyera nkhondo, momwe mnzanuyo amachitira ndi nkhawa yanu idzakhala chizindikiro champhamvu ngati ali mmenemo kwa nthawi yayitali (ndipo yoyenera nthawi yanu, mphamvu ndi chikondi. ).
3. Kambiranani za izo—ndipo wina ndi mnzake
Solomon amalankhula zambiri za mphamvu zamphamvu mu maubwenzi ndi maumboni kafukufuku wopangidwa ndi Dr. Carmen Knudson-Martin ndi Dr. Anne Rankin Mahoney pa phunziroli. Mukamaganizira nkhawa zanu kapena kubweretsa mantha ndi mnzanu, ganizirani za yemwe ali ndi mphamvu muubwenzi wanu. Mphamvu zopanda malire, monga momwe mnzawo wina amachitira nthaŵi zonse zosoŵa za mnzakeyo, zingayambitse nkhaŵa.
Kuyesera molimbika kuti mukhale chete pamalingaliro anu amwala kapena kusafuna kusonkhezera mphika si njira iliyonse yoyendetsera ubale. Nthawi zambiri, makamaka zikangoyamba kumene, timapewa mikangano pofuna kuoneka oziziritsidwa komanso ogwirizana. Ichi ndi njira yobweretsera tsoka.
Malangizo ovomereza: Ngakhale mutakhala ndi nkhawa zaubwenzi pano ndi apo, zibweretseni nthawi yomweyo. Yambitsani kukambirana tsopano za nkhawa zanu zonse, zosowa ndi zomwe mukufuna kuti ngati zinthu zizikhala zovuta pambuyo pake (zomwe mosapeŵeka, muubwenzi wautali, zidzatero), chinenerocho chilipo kale kuti chithetse nkhawa zatsopano.
4. Ikani ndalama pakugwiritsa ntchito payekha
Chithandizo ndi malo omwe mumapita kukatulutsa, kupatula m'malo mwa bwenzi lanu lapamtima kugwedezeka ndikukutsanulirani galasi lina la pinot, wothandizira wanu amakuthandizani kuti mukambirane njira zomwe mungapewere kuti maganizo oipa asatengeke. Ndikofunikira kwambiri. Inde, kuda nkhawa paubwenzi kungakhale ndi chochita ndi mnzanu, koma kuyang'ana mkati kuti muvumbulutse ziwanda zanu ndikofunikira. Sikuti chithandizo chokhacho chingakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa bwino, kutanthauzira ndi kuthana ndi malingaliro anu; imatha kukupatsirani zida zomvetsetsa bwino, kutanthauzira komanso kuthana ndi malingaliro a ena.
Langizo la Pro: Ndikwabwino kugulira asing'anga musanakhazikitse yemwe angakupezeni.
5. Ganizirani za chithandizo cha maanja
Chilichonse tangotchulidwa kumene, kupatula maanja. Thandizo la maanja likhoza kupititsa patsogolo kulankhulana ndikutanthauzira zoyembekeza pakati pa okondedwa, zomwe zingapangitse kuti anthu awiri azikhulupirirana ndikupatsa onse awiri njira zambiri zofotokozera maganizo awo m'tsogolo. Komanso, madokotala amakonda kufunsa mafunso omwe amalimbikitsa kukambirana pamitu yofunika. Munthu wina, yemwe ali ndi maphunziro ochuluka mu psychology ndi maubwenzi, adzatha kupanga malingaliro olimbikitsa ubale poyang'ana momwe inu ndi mnzanu mumalankhulirana ndi kuchitirana wina ndi mzake. Awa ndi malo abwinonso kuti mubweretse mitu yovuta kwambiri yomwe mungafune kuthandizidwa kuti mukambirane maso ndi maso. Akatswiri adawonapo kale mavutowa ndipo ali pano kuti akuthandizeni kuwathetsa.
Malangizo othandiza: Kupita ku chithandizo cha maanja sikungokhalira maanja omwe atsala pang'ono kuthetsa banja. Ndi za maanja onse, ngakhale athanzi, omwe akufuna kuti apindule kwambiri ndi ubale wawo.
6. Khalani ndi chibwenzi
Sitikutanthauza kuti muthane ndi bwenzi lanu ndikungopanga chibwenzi, koma tikutanthauza kuti muzichita zomwe mumakonda. Esther Perel akuti anthu nthawi zonse amayesetsa kupeza ufulu ndi chitetezo chokwanira, ndipo tikataya chimodzi kapena tikapeza zambiri, zimatha kuyambitsa nkhawa. Nkhawa za ubale zomwe zimabwera chifukwa chodzimva kuti ndinu osakwanira kapena osungulumwa nthawi zambiri zimatha kusinthidwa munthu akangozindikiranso ndikubwezeretsanso ndalama mwa iye yekha (kugwiritsa ntchito ufulu wake). Muyenera kukhala ndi moyo kunja kwa mnzanu. Lowani nawo kalasi yomwe mwakhala mukufuna kutenga! Dzikhazikitseni cholinga chanu ndipo fotokozani njira zofunika kuchikwaniritsa! Ndinu 50 peresenti ya ubale; bwerani ndi mtundu wanu wabwino kwambiri patebulo.
Lingaliro lothandizira: Ganizirani za kukhala wokangalika, osati kukhala bwenzi lokhazikika. Dziko lanu siliyenera kuzungulira la mnzanu, komanso lawo siliyenera kuzungulira inu. Muyenera kukhala pamenepo wina ndi mzake (chitetezo) popanda kulepheretsa kukula.
7. Lembaninso maganizo anu
Gawo lalikulu lakugonjetsa nkhawa (ndi zovuta zambiri zamaganizidwe) ndikusintha momwe timalankhulira tokha. Kukonzekera maganizo oipa (Sanayitane. Mwachionekere amandinyenga.) Kumawonjezera nkhawa. M'malo mwake, phunzitsani ubongo wanu kulingalira zotheka zina poyamba (Sanayimbire foni. Foni yake ikhoza kukhala yopanda batri. Angakhalebe mumsonkhano wa ntchito. Iye wasinthidwa ndi masewera a Fortnite.). Kuthamangira kumalingaliro sikuli bwino-komanso kuganiza zomwe mnzanu anganene mukakumana nawo pazomwe mukukumana nazo. ganizani iwo akhala. M'malo mopanga nkhani yayitali m'maganizo mwanu, funsani mnzanu nthawi ina mukakhala limodzi.
Momwemonso ndi momwe mumalankhulira nokha. Yesani kugwiritsa ntchito Dr. Dan Siegel's Name It to Tame It njira. Anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi nkhawa amabwereranso ku malingaliro oipa omwewo mobwerezabwereza (mu nkhawa yaubwenzi, izi zikhoza kukhala kuti ndine wopanda pake, ndithudi adzandisiya.). Dr. Siegel akuti kutha kulemba zinazake kumatipatsa mphamvu yosankha momwe timachitira. Kotero, mutangoyamba kupanga nkhani yokhudzana ndi kusakhulupirika kwa mnzanuyo, dziletseni nokha, tchulani zomwe zili (ndikumva nkhawa kapena ndikumva kuti ndine wosatetezeka) ndipo pangani chisankho champhamvu chotsatira chanu.
Malangizo ovomereza: Kusuntha kotsatiraku kungakhale kudziuza kuti ndinu wogwidwa ndipo mnzanuyo ali ndi mwayi kukhala nanu (ngakhale simukukhulupirira panthawiyo). Kungakhale kulemba mndandanda wa nthawi zabwino mu ubale wanu. Kungakhale kunena zinthu zomwe mumakonda zokhudza inuyo mokweza. Kungakhale kuyimbira foni mnzako kapena kuwerenga buku kapena chilichonse chomwe chimakusangalatsani.
8. Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi
Kunena za kumva bwino, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi ndi ngwazi yapamwamba m'dziko laumoyo wamaganizidwe! Apanso, nkhawa za ubale ndi mtundu wa nkhawa. Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi-makamaka yoga-kwasonyezedwa kuti kumachepetsa milingo ya cortisol (hormone yomwe imayang'anira kupsinjika). Mmodzi kafukufuku waposachedwapa inasonyeza kuti 27 peresenti ya kuchepa kwa nkhawa zatsopano zomwe zimayamba mwa anthu omwe amachita masewera olimbitsa thupi nthawi zonse kusiyana ndi omwe sanachite. Chifukwa chake, ngakhale kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi sikungathetsere nkhawa paubwenzi palokha, ndi gawo lofunikira la moyo wabwino.
Malangizo ovomereza: Ngakhale kalasi imodzi ya yoga imatha kusintha malingaliro. Ngati masewera olimbitsa thupi si anu, yambani pang'ono.
Ngati mupeza kuti muli pakati pa chibwenzi nkhawa zoopsa, kupuma kwambiri. Simuli nokha. Pali magetsi kumapeto kwa ngalandeyi, muyenera kungoyamba kuyenda.
Zogwirizana: Mabuku 6 Amene Ali ndi Nkhawa Ayenera Kuwerenga
